Like in the past, I m waiting for a miracle while I know that the miracle is inside me.
It’s Sunday. You want to cook a meal as your friends will come by tonight after a day on the skiing slopes and then you notice this collection of spices from the last ten years of your life. You find the spices your ex brought to the family. You find the everlasting energy that is still at home in this small flacon. This spice is a symbol for a love that expired. He left and moved out with only his bare essentials about 10 years ago.
So, I have started cleaning out those spices today. I thought I had done that with my last move but there were a few items I found where the official expiry date was before 2005. These herbs were as expired as the relationship they belonged too. I felt the urge to get rid of the content and the little glass that they came in. I remembered discussions with all of my ex-partners. Why do they love to buy herbs and spices?
I do like their smell but I do not know where to use them. I mainly cook with pepper and salt. Adding spices is already a stretch for me. I sit there and clean out the energy of my last two relationships. It feels good to let the old spices go. I keep the good ones and taste them on my tongue. I want to use them, integrate them in my dishes. I want to celebrate the energy my relationships brought to my life. I hang on to them while I accept that the expiry dates shows to let go.
Our lives have become so hectic. We think in terms of optimizing our time. We want to maximize output while reducing input. We give ourselves targets. We rush. We run. Sometimes we force ourselves to take a break and stop for a few minutes to meditate. Relaxation is forced upon us as well as a healthy nutrition. Sometimes I ask myself about purpose. What is the point of this? Where do we struggle the most? Breaking our own barriers, fighting against the slack persona in ourselves, the couch potato? Or is it the aggressive marketer within us that goes beyond shame, overcomes shyness and speaks to strangers on the train. I laugh when a child shouts out in the middle of a game. The child uses a swear word. It is so natural and so different from the other people on the trains. We, the professionals hide behind our laptops and smart-phones. We want to seem busy because busy equals important. Important equals successful. Successful means we will be loved. Ultimately. BUT:
- Tonight we are too busy to spend the evening with the man or woman we like.
- Tonight we miss dinner again and come home when our baby is already asleep.
- Tonight we have a pizza instead of the healthy salad we planned to have.
Maybe we will even have a drink because our boss was unfair, our husband did not call or our client just cancelled an appointment. If I feel like this I try to do something completely different like dancing. Have you tried?