Category Archives: Life

Holiday Blues of A Writer – Why you need to take an inspirational rest once in a while

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I have been irritated with myself for not working more over the holidays.  I was disappointed that I did not write more and that I slept, ate and watched movies most of the time. Today is the first official working day of the New Year and I have started by reading and writing. I feel pressure on my shoulders as I enter January and similar to last year I feel that there is too much to do and not sure where to start. Do you know this feeling?
I am eager to get back into a routine but also weary of all the work that looks at me and needs to be tackled today. Why is it that we procrastinate until we have too much to do? Why can we not work in moderation? I wish I had an answer to these questions. I assume that the year end calls for a break and especially since no one is productive I felt entitled to being slack as well. I know though that the only one who will suffer is myself because my bad conscience increases.
I thought I would give myself some time to think and hoped the creative juices would flow again after the holidays but I am not sure I am there yet. I have a strong sense that something needs to emerge in 2016, that I need to let out an inner flame and that I have not been running on full steam yet even though I had been productive and busy, I feel like I did not give my best at all times. I feel like I have been cheating myself but I am not sure why I feel this way.

Like in the past, I m waiting for a miracle while I know that the miracle is inside me.

I could be more effective and reach my goals if I just let go of my fears and went ahead with passion. The thing is that this is the hard part about being your own boss. It’s the daily challenge to show up and be your best. When you are employed you can give 70% and it is still acceptable. When you are self-employed you want to give at least 95% or more. You need to be fresh, energetic, focused and emotionally stable. You need to create and find the atmosphere for creativity whether you are in your office or in a dodgy hotel room. You need to be up for networking with prospects and clients even if you are drained and tired.
And that’s why you need a break once in a while. A real break where you can just be yourself and relax. I thought I would read more during the holidays  and I can tell I am really eager to tackle a few books I bought last year. I am also ready to finish a manuscript I have been dragging along for the last two years. So that’s great news.
6 January marks the last day of the holiday season in Germany and Switzerland. In some parts of Europe it is the most important day of the holiday season. For us it means that the next day we really need to throw out the Christmas tree and all the decorations. It’s a nice ritual and the cleaning up exercise means that I can get back into full steam.
What are you struggling with and how did you get out of your holiday blues? Let me know in the comments.

The everlasting energy of the spices your ex bought.

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It’s Sunday. You want to cook a meal as your friends will come by tonight after a day on the skiing slopes and then you notice this collection of spices from the last ten years of your life. You find the spices your ex brought to the family. You find the everlasting energy that is still at home in this small flacon. This spice is a symbol for a love that expired. He left and moved out with only his bare essentials about 10 years ago.

So, I have started cleaning out those spices today. I thought I had done that with my last move but there were a few items I found where the official expiry date was before 2005. These herbs were as expired as the relationship they belonged too. I felt the urge to get rid of the content and the little glass that they came in. I remembered discussions with all of my ex-partners. Why do they love to buy herbs and spices?

I do like their smell but I do not know where to use them. I mainly cook with pepper and salt. Adding spices is already a stretch for me. I sit there and clean out the energy of my last two relationships. It feels good to let the old spices go. I keep the good ones and taste them on my tongue. I want to use them, integrate them in my dishes. I want to celebrate the energy my relationships brought to my life. I hang on to them while I accept that the expiry dates shows to let go.

Postponing life again and again

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Our lives have become so hectic. We think in terms of optimizing our time. We want to maximize output while reducing input. We give ourselves targets. We rush. We run. Sometimes we force ourselves to take a break and stop for a few minutes to meditate. Relaxation is forced upon us as well as a healthy nutrition. Sometimes I ask myself about purpose. What is the point of this? Where do we struggle the most? Breaking our own barriers, fighting against the slack persona in ourselves, the couch potato? Or is it the aggressive marketer within us that goes beyond shame, overcomes shyness and speaks to strangers on the train. I laugh when a child shouts out in the middle of a game. The child uses a swear word. It is so natural and so different from the other people on the trains. We, the professionals hide behind our laptops and smart-phones. We want to seem busy because busy equals important. Important equals successful. Successful means we will be loved. Ultimately.  BUT:

  • Tonight we are too busy to spend the evening with the man or woman we like.
  • Tonight we miss dinner again and come home when our baby is already asleep.
  • Tonight we have a pizza instead of the healthy salad we planned to have.

Maybe we will even have a drink because our boss was unfair, our husband did not call or our client just cancelled an appointment. If I feel like this I try to do something completely different like dancing. Have you tried?